Light In My Darkness

These incidents might sound silly to write a post about, but it means so much to me.

April – May are the months where students at a university would be making amends with all that they should have been studying throughout the year. These two months are crucial because that’s when a year’s worth of information is cramped into the system. Well, this is true in my case at least.
I had to submit my final year’s dissertation on the 27th of April and had an exam the following day. The week after that held three other exams for me, on consecutive days.

As I was returning home from my university’s building at 11 pm on the 24th of April (Friday) after an intense revision session, I felt my legs get tighter with every step. I got home and saw that my legs had developed some bright red lumps and it took me a while to take my jeans off.
I called my friend and told her about what was happening, (this was around 1 am now) and she suggested I called the doctor out-of-hours. The doctor told me to come down to the hospital within the hour. I was a bit hesitant knowing the amount of revision I had to do the next day and that I needed a good night’s rest to achieve what I had planned. I returned home at 5 am and then watched the sun rise while filling in a deferral form for my exams and dissertation as my condition got worse.

Each day, week after week, I grew fainter, my joints ached and I was forced to stay in bed, unable to do anything on my own. I felt useless. I could have been done with my finals, but there I was, in bed, in pain, in tears. I could feel my heart beat in my feet (if that’s even possible). I could feel nothing but pain and a strong realisation that I’ve let everyone down.

Three weeks later, I was picking up the pieces and fixing myself up only to learn that my Grandma had passed away. I still remember my deep-seated father who pretended like nothing had happened, just so that I wouldn’t fall back into the whorl of gloom. When I told him that I received messages from friends back in Bahrain consoling me, he still maintained his calm. That’s when I knew that my old man needed me, now more than ever. So, I decided to take the next flight from Birmingham to India (because that’s where my Grandma was).

On the 5th of June, knowing that I had developed an auto-immune disease called erythema nodosum, I was now returning back to Coventry with something heavier than my luggage. The disease explained the red lumps, joint pain, fever, headaches, and everything terrible.
Messy May had gone by and the month of June was taunting me. I had to start revising for my exams (again) and to complete my dissertation that I worked so hard on. I had to submit my year’s worth of research for my undergrad degree (a.k.a. ‘disso’ as commonly known by students), with a heavy heart and the fact that I could not complete it according to the standards I had set for myself.

It took me some time to recuperate from life’s unpleasant reality check. The next thing I remember was frantically multitasking revision for two exams that were on consecutive days (so convenient) with the touch-ups for my dissertation. I know, I know, I had loads of time on my hands, but the right frame of mind? Don’t think so.

At this point, I gave up, I cried, I lost hope, I looked up to the sky and surrendered my all, and this is when everything fell into its place. You see, this wonderful God I believe in, gave me a chance to fight own my battle with every cell in my body, but when my strength failed me, and when I asked for a tiny portion of His strength, He clothed me with garments of salvation (Isaiah 61.10) and met my needs according to His riches (Philippians 4.19).

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 🙂

From Birmingham to Delhi

CEO, Strategic Assistants, and their day! – Part 2

Read for story (Part 1): https://kaythedavid.wordpress.com/2014/09/17/ceo-strategic-assistants-and-their-day/

So, what does this story actually relate to? May not be the best example, but it gets you thinking.

Let’s give the CEO, and his two Strategic Assistants a real role now:

CEO = God, Strategic Assistants = People

Now let’s see how this goes:

Our God calls unto us to make a decision about our life that would obviously have an impact on us. He lets YOU make choices; which is known as Free Will, it’s promised in the Bible. Knowing that God our Father does have the ultimate say in our lives. He knows what you truly need instead of what you temporarily want. He asks you for your ‘remarkable input’ which is a Prayer.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. – Proverbs 16:9

In the framework of our little story, we see two strategic assistants; which implies that there are two people influencing the decision-making process.

Now relating that to real-life:

Senior Strategic Assistants = Christian Couple

Say, a Christian couple have to make a decision that would impact their lives. They have their feet firmly planted in God. They both think they know what’s best. They both have a difference of opinion. This leads them towards a disagreement. Further leading towards a tenacious argument. The wife’s in tears, the husband’s voice somehow keeps getting louder, the wife tries to lower his voice levels and holds onto his arms. The husband now thinks his wife’s getting aggressive, and decides to push her from him.

God’s watching them, but ‘holds Himself back‘ . He lets them take steps according to what they think they should do – FREE WILL. Also, because they’re both adults, they know how to handle themselves.

When the couple reach a point where they know they’ve had enough. They walk away from each other. They go to separate rooms, and contemplate on what just happened.

The wife starts to question God – Why would you do this to me? Where have I gone wrong? Are you not a God of your word? This is UNFAIR! I don’t believe in you anymore. This has happened too many times to us. Why God, why?

The husband on the other hand is completely blank. He can’t think straight. He just wants to distract himself. But for how long?
He then ponders upon his faith in Christ. He starts to doubt it. How can a God so strong, allow them to be weak? The three steps he took in coming closer to God, has now made him take seven steps away from Christ.

The couple then decide to come out, and speak to each other. The questions that were on their minds individually, had now become something they spoke out loud to each other. Both clashed on the same thing – Why would God do this to us if He loves us? But the question they should be asking is – Why would we do this to each other when we love each other?

Slowly, their “Firm Faith in Christ” turns into an uncertain belief. They walk away from God, blaming Him for all what went wrong, and leaving behind all the good things He has done for them.

…“Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” – Genesis 4:6-7

This is the problem with not only Christians, but people as a whole – They tend to give up if one goes wrong, neglecting a hundred that went right.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“What no eye has seen,
What no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love him 1 Corinthians 2:9 

CEO, Strategic Assistants, and their day!

The CEO of a renowned company calls in his two best Senior Strategic Assistants to help in finalising an important decision on which the company lies.
Both assistants have remarkable input to the process. Not long before they start arguing on who’s suggestion is better, and why.

The CEO watches them argue, but holds himself back. He knows they’re both adults, and they can handle the situation maturely. Then assistant A gets a little aggressive; he throws a file of papers at assistant B. As an obvious consequence, assistant B decides to push assistant A.

The CEO has had enough, and asks them both to stop. Unfortunately, assistants A and B have their pride to hold onto. They kept assaulting each other.

Disturbed by their behaviour, the CEO now decides to kick them out of his office, so that they could reflect on how ridiculously they’ve behaved.

After an hour, the CEO is less upset, and calls them back in. He asks if they had anything to say.

Both assistants A and B blame it all on the CEO for bringing them into his office in the first place.

So what does this story actually mean?

Will post my view tomorrow 🙂

Link to Part 2: https://kaythedavid.wordpress.com/2014/09/18/ceo-strategic-assistants-and-their-day-part-2/

You Are Who You Are

Let’s confess things to ourselves right now. How many of us have had those people we hated in high school? I know ‘hate’ is a strong word but in my case if there was a stronger word than that, I’d use it.

Here I am now, looking back at when I was fourteen-fifteen years old, young, naive, and influenced by ‘friends’ who were supposed to have my back, but didn’t.

There came a phase where I realised that there’s no point hating someone just so that you could look cool or blend in with those who hated the same person. As an obvious consequence of that, I lost my so called friends and all the attention I had gained from them. My best-school-friend walked out on me ’cause apparently her parents thought I was a bad influence on her. Ha! See what I mean? I was the one being influenced by people, but here I was, being the bad-bad influence on others now.

That transition confused me so very much, that I actually became the person my best friend’s parents claimed I was. My parents were amazing, they still are, but at that time, I was a loose cannon yet they held on to me when everyone else didn’t think twice of letting go.

Life was now moving on to this spot where I couldn’t decided between keeping myself happy, and pleasing others. Somebody answer this for me – What should we do when we’re trying to keep someone else happy and we’re not happy?

Is life all about compromises? Will we ever find that place of unending joy? Will my heart ever be at ease? Can I stop doubting myself as a person? So many questions left unanswered, just because of what happened when I was fourteen. (that was like 6 years ago, I’m not that old. Pshh!)

Life is all about decisions. It’s all about compromises we might have to make along the way. Life is all about sacrifices. Life is all about ifs and buts. Life is all about adjustments.

But don’t just see it from that perspective. Take a look at life and all what it’s about from this angle –

Life is all about those choices which only you can make, THIS IS YOUR LIFE and YOUR CHOICE we’re talking about! Life is all about taking risks and seeing how things work out. Life is all about new beginnings. Life is all about taking a stand for yourself even when the world walks out on you. Life is all about acceptance; accept those ups and downs (once you’ve accepted a phase, you’ll move on to doing something about it rather than moaning). Life is all about change. It’s all about how we see things. Life is all about emotions, it’s about all those feelings that rush through you. Most of all, Life is about expecting the unexpected.

If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail. – Heraclitus

To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect. – Oscar Wilde

For those wondering if I’m still a wreck – No, because I’ve learned to accept life and all it’s wonders, one day at a time. I’ve achieved so much more since the age of sixteen, I’ve done well for myself, achieved all what I never thought I could, (definitely stuck it to my ‘best friend’ from school). I then grew up with much better friends in school and church, and you know what, they’re still my best of best friends. Give life a chance, and watch it fall perfectly into its place.

Be proud of who you are; there’s no one else like you.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Five days ago, a day after my mother’s birthday, something happened to me for the first time. Some would get over it and go out to replace it, but I, the silly one, am still holding on to it. I know I started off a little bit dramatically but don’t worry, it’s just about my phone and how it was nicked off my pocket. Gotcha!

As soon as I had realised what had happened, I stood there stunned; and the first question that popped into my head was, “Why me?”.

Its funny how we grow so fond of new gadgets and improved technology, but that was not what caused the blues that I felt. My galaxy S4 – bought by my parents on my birthday ten months ago, was stolen a second after I had touched it in my pocket. So you see, sentimental value – I know how hard my parents work so that they could provide for me, the memories captured that were saved on that phone, the many-little notes and voice recordings and pictures and video clips and messages; all gone in just a second! Weird right? Never knew that a piece of technology could cause so much distress when went missing. How do we end up tying ourselves to this?

I came back home, getting off work earlier than what I should have, skipping work the next day, avoiding a fashion-show that I volunteered to model for, stopped eating, crying miserably, avoided praying or reading the Bible, shutting myself from social sites, not talking to my loved ones – like WHAT!? You must be thinking that this girl is insane; a phone shouldn’t influence a person as such. You’re right; a phone is not actually doing this to me. It’s the disappointment of the entire situation. My friends have said “Shizz happens! At least it’s nothing serious”, which I agree. Every time I think I’m moving on, my thoughts remind me of how some guy nudged into me and we looked at each other and then I made way for him to walk ahead but he still walked by my side and then my phone was missing from my pocket. Umm it’s a phone get over it! But I can’t. I’m not so sure of what’s causing me to not get over it, but I’m sure it’s not just the equipment itself.

It’s a cruel world out there; you can’t stop these things from happening. Which brings me to this question – “How can God exist when there’s so much of evilness in this world?”

Don’t! Just stop right there. Rephrase that question – “How can God tolerate evil deeds that we human beings end up doing?”

We are evil; we are aware of what we do wrong; yet He chooses to remain patient with us, love and forgive us.

You should listen to Truth by Lecrae – this song words it all so beautifully.

Coming back to the incident, I don’t think God would ‘let’ this happen to me if He didn’t have something better planned for me.  The Bible assures me that not even a single hair would fall off my head without His knowledge.

I’m glad that I’m able to share this post with you. So that you can dust yourself off, and trust in His plans for you.

However careful you are with the things you love or treasure, if it’s time for it to go, it will go no matter what.
But one thing that you can be sure of is – God knows!

The next day, my dad sent me an email. From which I’ll directly copy-paste an extract –

So my doll, you are not beaten nor kidnapped. Just praise God that your phone was the only thing which had gone. After you told me about the phone, I thanked and Praised God for having saved you miraculously. By His grace I can buy as many phones I want, but nothing can replace my daughter who is incomparable.
…God was very generous in protecting you, and keeping you safe and secured. 
Just forget the past, look ahead and keep going. Life is not that easy as you might be thinking. As the days go by, we have to face challenges which would become tougher and tougher. The only part where we won’t face a tough situation is when our God is on our side.”

Emotions – what to do when you don’t know what to do!

There are certain characteristics that make you up as a person. Those traits might scare some away from you or some might feel comfortable around you because they’re just “like” you. But for a fact, no one can be just like you or feel what you feel or even worse when you’re in a pickle, and they say that they understand you. Gosh! That annoys me. No you DON’T understand what I’m going through. No one does. Every person has their own reaction patterns. You can’t influence someone’s reaction unless you’re the cause of it. Ha!

Let me get straight to the point. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here but let me have a go!

Do what you say, and say what you feel 
By which I mean, let your actions be greater than your words and your words be as subtle as those beautiful emotions you feel (No! Don’t go punch someone instead of swearing at them, that’s NOT what I want you to aim for). If you say “Wow I love him/her I think I’m going to take him/her out to express how much I love him/her”, but what’s the point of being so overwhelmed with love when all that’s happening is a lot of talking and less of doing. So instead of saying you’re going to do something in the near future, just do it now (or if it’s a birthday surprise then do it according to plan). It would be worse if you said you would do so, but didn’t!

Let every thing you do be accompanied with love, and every joy guided by humility
A friend of mine told me that her ‘better half’ moaned and groaned throughout by saying how great he is when he does all these little ‘romantic’ things for her, and how she didn’t have the flair of doing so! I mean come on, who would want to do something for you when all what you’re doing is boasting about what you’re doing. (Get your senses on track man!)
I know its a bit too traditional for a guy to make the first move or the first attempt in pleasing the girl or the first step towards buying stuff for her and all but I don’t see what’s wrong in that unless the girl is taking your goodness for granted (then boy, run away!)

Don’t tell them you understand, just be there for them
Again, I’m stressing on this – Don’t tell them that you understand. That’s the last thing you should say! Rather than telling them you understand what they’re going through, try and accommodate the emotions that they are going through. That is if you really want to ‘understand’ them. Emotions are not easy to deal with, just let it be. If your loved one is going through a hard time then cuddle up, make them some food (even if it means taking some pre-cooked frozen food and shoving it in the oven), make them laugh, make the effort of doing what you would want someone else to do for you when you are facing dark times. (<– I don’t even get that. Read it again!) So when the time comes; that you are in a difficult position, they would remember all what you did to bring a smile on their faces, and now would have the audacity to do the same for you. Simple as that!

You know what the problem is, we over-complicate the simplest things in this world. Number one being Emotions! 

Now take a step back, close eyes, and be thankful that you are able to feel what you feel for it is good.

Every tear of pain is good, you’ll then value those things that bring joy to you.
Every moment you face alone is good, you’ll then value being surrounded by loved ones.
Every betrayal is good (only once don’t let it happen to you again and again, or else you’re basically stupid), you’ll then value each expression of love.
Every downfall in life is good, you’ll then value picking yourself up, and pushing all efforts to its extreme.

‘The sun does not stop shining when its rays are blocked by the clouds’

Then why should you let a hurdle stop you from running the extra mile?

Respect Yourself, Appreciate Others, Love Life and be Thankful to God! 

A Life Worth Living.

We often face these situations where we question our lives. As a Christian, I’ve asked myself these 3 questions at least four times a month – ‘Why is life worth living?’ and ‘What exactly is L.I.F.E. all about?’ and also ‘How can I be different?’

You can clearly get the idea of how confused of a person I am, who lives with so many questions that mainly go unanswered (until now).
I keep searching the world for answers to my questions, and I keep forgetting that the greatest answer I could possibly receive; lies within me. Nope, not my feelings nor my thoughts, but Him who lives in my heart. He who has assured me that I have a beautiful soul no matter what! (Psst! It’s Jesus)

But wait, don’t we go through problems in life, and question God’s existence?  There are many wars people are still fighting, wars and enmity that have been passed on for generations. Yeah so now where’s God? You break into an argument with your loved one, where is God’s unfailing love? You fail a year at university, where is God’s promised wisdom from Heaven? You get yourself in an accident, where is God’s protection? Where is peace in this world when all what we’re doing is having a constant battle. Worst of all, the battle with oneself.
I’m ugly, too pretty and gain unwanted attention #VanityFair, too skinny, too fat, I don’t have friends, I hate my life, I hate him/her, my spouse is this and that, I dislike my parents, I wish I never had siblings. Wow aren’t we messed up, and have labelled everything in life?

Through all what we put ourselves, ultimately we blame God. We accuse Him of not being there for us. I confess, I did that too and I regret every moment of it.
We live to please others and not God, then why do we blame Him when we do something wrong? You may say “human behaviour, that’s how we are, we can’t help that” then pardon me when I say, you have no one else to blame but yourself.

You can’t hold God responsible for all what YOU do. How long do you think it would take for God to put an end to all evil (which includes us by the way, remember, we the glorious sinners)? Less than a second? Blink of an eye? Trust me, much lesser than! Yet the Bible tells us, that He is merciful, He loves us, He cares for us. I mean like WHAT!? WHY?! Why should He? We are now experiencing a generation that neglects His existence or don’t even know who Jesus is. So why should He let us live this life? (Again with my questions!)

But Christ died, so that we may live in Him. How perfect is His love! Now I’ll ask myself the 3 questions I had mentioned earlier in this post –

Why is life worth living? 
Because I’m a sinner, yet God forgave me. I should have died so I may sin no more, but Christ took it all upon Himself and gave me eternal life. – (John 3:16)

What exactly is L.I.F.E. all about?
It is all about Jesus. It’s about Him living in us. It’s about what we owe to Him. It’s about what we can try and do, to repay His love (definitely impossible to achieve His level of Awesomeness!).

“The nails didn’t hold Him to the cross, It was His love for us.”

How can I be different?
By never letting go of Him, because He never gave up on me.
Stand firm on your faith, it’s not worth giving it up for the world. There are trials to face, and mockery to bear; but trust in Him, it’s worth it! He is good, He is love, He is powerful, and He is our Heavenly Father. What a privilege that is indeed!