Light In My Darkness

These incidents might sound silly to write a post about, but it means so much to me.

April – May are the months where students at a university would be making amends with all that they should have been studying throughout the year. These two months are crucial because that’s when a year’s worth of information is cramped into the system. Well, this is true in my case at least.
I had to submit my final year’s dissertation on the 27th of April and had an exam the following day. The week after that held three other exams for me, on consecutive days.

As I was returning home from my university’s building at 11 pm on the 24th of April (Friday) after an intense revision session, I felt my legs get tighter with every step. I got home and saw that my legs had developed some bright red lumps and it took me a while to take my jeans off.
I called my friend and told her about what was happening, (this was around 1 am now) and she suggested I called the doctor out-of-hours. The doctor told me to come down to the hospital within the hour. I was a bit hesitant knowing the amount of revision I had to do the next day and that I needed a good night’s rest to achieve what I had planned. I returned home at 5 am and then watched the sun rise while filling in a deferral form for my exams and dissertation as my condition got worse.

Each day, week after week, I grew fainter, my joints ached and I was forced to stay in bed, unable to do anything on my own. I felt useless. I could have been done with my finals, but there I was, in bed, in pain, in tears. I could feel my heart beat in my feet (if that’s even possible). I could feel nothing but pain and a strong realisation that I’ve let everyone down.

Three weeks later, I was picking up the pieces and fixing myself up only to learn that my Grandma had passed away. I still remember my deep-seated father who pretended like nothing had happened, just so that I wouldn’t fall back into the whorl of gloom. When I told him that I received messages from friends back in Bahrain consoling me, he still maintained his calm. That’s when I knew that my old man needed me, now more than ever. So, I decided to take the next flight from Birmingham to India (because that’s where my Grandma was).

On the 5th of June, knowing that I had developed an auto-immune disease called erythema nodosum, I was now returning back to Coventry with something heavier than my luggage. The disease explained the red lumps, joint pain, fever, headaches, and everything terrible.
Messy May had gone by and the month of June was taunting me. I had to start revising for my exams (again) and to complete my dissertation that I worked so hard on. I had to submit my year’s worth of research for my undergrad degree (a.k.a. ‘disso’ as commonly known by students), with a heavy heart and the fact that I could not complete it according to the standards I had set for myself.

It took me some time to recuperate from life’s unpleasant reality check. The next thing I remember was frantically multitasking revision for two exams that were on consecutive days (so convenient) with the touch-ups for my dissertation. I know, I know, I had loads of time on my hands, but the right frame of mind? Don’t think so.

At this point, I gave up, I cried, I lost hope, I looked up to the sky and surrendered my all, and this is when everything fell into its place. You see, this wonderful God I believe in, gave me a chance to fight own my battle with every cell in my body, but when my strength failed me, and when I asked for a tiny portion of His strength, He clothed me with garments of salvation (Isaiah 61.10) and met my needs according to His riches (Philippians 4.19).

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 🙂

From Birmingham to Delhi


Happy Resurrection Day!

Hope you were all as eggcited as I was, and that you’ve had an eggcellent Easter!
(Points for trying?)
I did purchase Creme eggs and Haribos for myself! #LonerStudentLife

Coming back to the point of this post, I want us to reflect on what we’ve just celebrated and should celebrate every single day – The Resurrection of Christ!

My church’s Senior Pastor delivered this message on the 6th of April 2012, I have it written down on the back of my Teen Bible. (I’m still in denial over turning 21.)
I wanted it to remind me of the ultimate sacrifice made on my behalf; for a sinner.

Good Friday

Jesus spoke seven words on the cross. (seven statements)

  1. Luke 23:24 – Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
    –  As Christians, we believe that Jesus is the son of God and that he died on the cross for our sins. Most people these days would find that ridiculous! How can some person die for people he didn’t even know, and why, and what, and who again? I’ve asked these questions myself. (That’s a post for another day.)
    – So, Jesus died the death of an ordinary man. If He can forgive those who crucified Him, then who are we to judge now?
  2. Luke 23:43 – Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
    – Here ‘you’ is the criminal who was nailed to a cross, as his punishment. Verse 41 says, “We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong”. 
    – We’ve done things that we regret, we as Christians note them down as ‘sins’. Why do we do what we do? That question confused me as well but really, why do we do … what we do? I often used to think that “ohh everything’s God’s will so my actions are basically determined by His plan”, which made it easier for me to blame God for a consequence of my own doings. We are given the ability to make our own choices or else this world would be a huge puppet show.
  3. John 19: 26-27 – When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple,“Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
    – What do we understand by this? In my opinion: Becoming one in Christ – New relationships are formed – Broken lives are made new. Simple as that!
  4. Mark 15: 34 – And at three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
    – When I read this verse, I was certain that I had heard it before. Read Psalms 22:1 🙂
    – On the cross, He could bear mockery, pierced hands and legs that nailed Him to that very cross, His clothes were divided (I’ve read this in the Old Testament as well: King David wrote in Psalms 22:18 They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment.) – Read point 1 in this post: They did cast lots of his garments. My point here being, He didn’t mind all this but once He felt the separation from God, He could not bear it.
  5. John 19:28 – Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.”
    – Through this we know that Jesus obeyed God till His death.
    – He accomplished His purpose on Earth: to clear the debt the world owed to God, He wiped away the debt of sin.
    – And that He thirsts; here, Physical thirst. Also, He thirsts for you and me.
  6. John 19:29-30 – A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ lips. When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.
    – This fulfills Psalms 69:21 “…and gave me vinegar for my thirst.”
    – Christ came to this Earth to finish what God started – The forgiveness of sin.
    – The purpose as to why Jesus was sent to us was to bring about a change to mankind. He did it. It is finished. All is said and done. You just have to believe and experience the change brought by your faith in Him.
  7. Luke 23:46 – Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.
    – Take a look at Psalms 31:5, it’s amazing how these words were in one of King David’s prayers: Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.”


We are not here to mourn the death of Christ but to rejoice because He rose again. ‘Death’ is temporary!  The tomb couldn’t contain Him. He is risen indeed!

What can be more powerful than knowing we worship a living God?

The nails didn’t hold Him to the cross, it was His love for you and me.

John 11:25-26 – Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;  and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

I’ll admit I found it difficult to write this post. I had to pause many a times and I held back from writing it well. I even saved it as a draft for about an hour and did nothing about it. By why should I shy away from the faith I have in Christ? What about his unfailing love for me? I’m saved by His amazing grace and I’m proud to call Him my saviour. I’ve been redeemed! I’ve been set free!

New Blog, New Experiences!

Hello Lovely Followers!

I’m proud to announce that I’ve created another blog that would feature everyday experiences of my life in attempt to connect with those out there who feel the same.

I’ve named it after myself because I couldn’t think of anything more apt. I did give the subtitle of ‘One Clumsy Lady, Many Inspiring Stories’ which I hope i’ll be able to prove over time. (The clumsiness will always remain, no doubt!)

I have just posted my first post and I’m excited to be posting more in the near future!

Here’s the link:

Much love to all x
– K

CEO, Strategic Assistants, and their day! – Part 2

Read for story (Part 1):

So, what does this story actually relate to? May not be the best example, but it gets you thinking.

Let’s give the CEO, and his two Strategic Assistants a real role now:

CEO = God, Strategic Assistants = People

Now let’s see how this goes:

Our God calls unto us to make a decision about our life that would obviously have an impact on us. He lets YOU make choices; which is known as Free Will, it’s promised in the Bible. Knowing that God our Father does have the ultimate say in our lives. He knows what you truly need instead of what you temporarily want. He asks you for your ‘remarkable input’ which is a Prayer.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. – Proverbs 16:9

In the framework of our little story, we see two strategic assistants; which implies that there are two people influencing the decision-making process.

Now relating that to real-life:

Senior Strategic Assistants = Christian Couple

Say, a Christian couple have to make a decision that would impact their lives. They have their feet firmly planted in God. They both think they know what’s best. They both have a difference of opinion. This leads them towards a disagreement. Further leading towards a tenacious argument. The wife’s in tears, the husband’s voice somehow keeps getting louder, the wife tries to lower his voice levels and holds onto his arms. The husband now thinks his wife’s getting aggressive, and decides to push her from him.

God’s watching them, but ‘holds Himself back‘ . He lets them take steps according to what they think they should do – FREE WILL. Also, because they’re both adults, they know how to handle themselves.

When the couple reach a point where they know they’ve had enough. They walk away from each other. They go to separate rooms, and contemplate on what just happened.

The wife starts to question God – Why would you do this to me? Where have I gone wrong? Are you not a God of your word? This is UNFAIR! I don’t believe in you anymore. This has happened too many times to us. Why God, why?

The husband on the other hand is completely blank. He can’t think straight. He just wants to distract himself. But for how long?
He then ponders upon his faith in Christ. He starts to doubt it. How can a God so strong, allow them to be weak? The three steps he took in coming closer to God, has now made him take seven steps away from Christ.

The couple then decide to come out, and speak to each other. The questions that were on their minds individually, had now become something they spoke out loud to each other. Both clashed on the same thing – Why would God do this to us if He loves us? But the question they should be asking is – Why would we do this to each other when we love each other?

Slowly, their “Firm Faith in Christ” turns into an uncertain belief. They walk away from God, blaming Him for all what went wrong, and leaving behind all the good things He has done for them.

…“Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” – Genesis 4:6-7

This is the problem with not only Christians, but people as a whole – They tend to give up if one goes wrong, neglecting a hundred that went right.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“What no eye has seen,
What no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love him 1 Corinthians 2:9 

CEO, Strategic Assistants, and their day!

The CEO of a renowned company calls in his two best Senior Strategic Assistants to help in finalising an important decision on which the company lies.
Both assistants have remarkable input to the process. Not long before they start arguing on who’s suggestion is better, and why.

The CEO watches them argue, but holds himself back. He knows they’re both adults, and they can handle the situation maturely. Then assistant A gets a little aggressive; he throws a file of papers at assistant B. As an obvious consequence, assistant B decides to push assistant A.

The CEO has had enough, and asks them both to stop. Unfortunately, assistants A and B have their pride to hold onto. They kept assaulting each other.

Disturbed by their behaviour, the CEO now decides to kick them out of his office, so that they could reflect on how ridiculously they’ve behaved.

After an hour, the CEO is less upset, and calls them back in. He asks if they had anything to say.

Both assistants A and B blame it all on the CEO for bringing them into his office in the first place.

So what does this story actually mean?

Will post my view tomorrow 🙂

Link to Part 2:

You Are Who You Are

Let’s confess things to ourselves right now. How many of us have had those people we hated in high school? I know ‘hate’ is a strong word but in my case if there was a stronger word than that, I’d use it.

Here I am now, looking back at when I was fourteen-fifteen years old, young, naive, and influenced by ‘friends’ who were supposed to have my back, but didn’t.

There came a phase where I realised that there’s no point hating someone just so that you could look cool or blend in with those who hated the same person. As an obvious consequence of that, I lost my so called friends and all the attention I had gained from them. My best-school-friend walked out on me ’cause apparently her parents thought I was a bad influence on her. Ha! See what I mean? I was the one being influenced by people, but here I was, being the bad-bad influence on others now.

That transition confused me so very much, that I actually became the person my best friend’s parents claimed I was. My parents were amazing, they still are, but at that time, I was a loose cannon yet they held on to me when everyone else didn’t think twice of letting go.

Life was now moving on to this spot where I couldn’t decided between keeping myself happy, and pleasing others. Somebody answer this for me – What should we do when we’re trying to keep someone else happy and we’re not happy?

Is life all about compromises? Will we ever find that place of unending joy? Will my heart ever be at ease? Can I stop doubting myself as a person? So many questions left unanswered, just because of what happened when I was fourteen. (that was like 6 years ago, I’m not that old. Pshh!)

Life is all about decisions. It’s all about compromises we might have to make along the way. Life is all about sacrifices. Life is all about ifs and buts. Life is all about adjustments.

But don’t just see it from that perspective. Take a look at life and all what it’s about from this angle –

Life is all about those choices which only you can make, THIS IS YOUR LIFE and YOUR CHOICE we’re talking about! Life is all about taking risks and seeing how things work out. Life is all about new beginnings. Life is all about taking a stand for yourself even when the world walks out on you. Life is all about acceptance; accept those ups and downs (once you’ve accepted a phase, you’ll move on to doing something about it rather than moaning). Life is all about change. It’s all about how we see things. Life is all about emotions, it’s about all those feelings that rush through you. Most of all, Life is about expecting the unexpected.

If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail. – Heraclitus

To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect. – Oscar Wilde

For those wondering if I’m still a wreck – No, because I’ve learned to accept life and all it’s wonders, one day at a time. I’ve achieved so much more since the age of sixteen, I’ve done well for myself, achieved all what I never thought I could, (definitely stuck it to my ‘best friend’ from school). I then grew up with much better friends in school and church, and you know what, they’re still my best of best friends. Give life a chance, and watch it fall perfectly into its place.

Be proud of who you are; there’s no one else like you.

Instructions from the Book of James

So it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded a post.

Why not kick it off with a set of instructions given to us in the book of James –

1. When you lack wisdom, ask God for His unfathomable depths of knowledge.

James 1:5 “If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

2. Pray with an unwavering faith.
Once you have prayed, don’t doubt it! Have faith in your faith in God. (if that makes sense)

James 1:6 “… he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

3. When you are being tempted, don’t blame it on God.

James 1:13-14 “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desires, he is dragged away and enticed.”

4. Quick to listen, slow to speak, even slower to anger.

James 1:19-20 “… Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

5. Two words – Don’t Swear!

James 1:26-27 “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless … keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

6. Don’t show favouritism. (Yikes! Note to self.)

James 2:2-4 “Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?”

7. Be merciful.

James 2:13 “… judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement!”

8. Let your deeds define your faith. (serious one here guys!)

James 2:17-18 “… faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.”

James 2:24 “… a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.”

James 2:26 “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.”

9. Think twice before you speak?

James 3:1 “… that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”

James 3:5-6 “… the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”

James 3:8-10 “But no man can tame the tongue … With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing … this should not be.”

10. Pray with the right motives, and not with wrong intentions. (DUH!)

James 4:2-3 “… You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

11. Do your best, and leave the rest to God.

James 4:7-8,10 “Submit yourselves, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God, and He will come near to you … Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

12. Don’t boast about tomorrow. We do not know what the future holds, but we know who holds our future.

James 4:14-15 “… you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

13. Do the right thing in all situations!

James 4:17 “Anyone, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, he sins.”

14. Be patient, and don’t grumble.

James 5:8-9 “… be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. Don’t grumble against each other, or you will be judged.”

15. Know that our Lord is so good!

James 5:11 “The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”

16. Don’t swear by Heaven or Earth.

James 5:12 “… do not swear – not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No,” no, or you will be condemned.”

17. Pray, pray and pray some more. In every situation, PRAY! It’s only a conversation with God after all. He’s waiting!

James 5:13 “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.”

18. The elders of your church should be called to pray in time of need.

James 5:14-15 “Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.”

19. Confess your sins and pray! Be it for yourself or for loved ones or for others.

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”

20. Talk to non-believers, and invite them to Christ. Those Christians who have been led astray, bring them back to Jesus!

James 5:19-20 “… if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”